Life is that one small piece of rock wandering in the solar system, delving into the black abyss of nothingness, searching for its purpose -- or if there is, uncertain to where it is heading to. This is a terrifying experience—indeed—but also one that has the potential to awaken our souls, actualize our dreams, and prioritize ourselves.
But hey, life is not a race. And it’s okay if you’re still in the middle of finding yourself -- what you really want, what you truly desire, what you really are. You don’t have to rush with everything.
I remember the time when I was in the middle of getting lost, unsure of what's going to happen next, unsure of what the future holds for me. It makes me think a lot. Most especially before going to bed. Those minutes when I am alone. Just me and my pillow. I think a lot. I think about anything - everything.
It diverges from “What am I doing with my life?” to “What am I going to do with my life?”
The room is so quiet, but my mind so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think, I think about – sometimes. And it makes me hate myself more because it brings up stuff I would rather never to think about again.
It sucks right? To be thinking a lot about things that haven’t happened yet. You are being problematic about things that don’t exist (just yet). You’re being problematic about seeing your parents getting older each day you wake up, and you still haven’t proven anything yet, and you’re still struggling in life, and you’re being frustrated. Because at their age, you should have brought them to their dream country, you should have bought them the house they have been dreaming of, you should have given them the life they deserve.
Stop. Take a deep breath. Pause for a while and ask yourself. Do you think you’re not doing great right now? Of course you do. The fact that the things that push you to keep going are your family, your dream, and yourself, then you’re on the right path.
Trust me, you don’t have to accomplish every goal you have set right now. You’re still young enough. You should learn to live your life while being a responsible person, because if you always take things seriously, as time passes by, you’ll realize and regret that you did not enjoy your life as you should.
Let me tell you this. Whatever it is that you are praying for right now, it can be from the heartache that you are feeling right now because of your past relationship, it can be from that job that you’ve been dreaming of, it can be from that school you’ve been dreaming to study in, or worrying about not being able to know about your purpose yet. Someday -- when the time is right, with God’s will and grace, it will happen.